The Kind of Person I Am

If you passed me on the street you'd see me in one of two ways depending on the day/mood I'm in. You could think... hipster, educated black girl, oreo, punk rocker, city walker, prep, christian, wiccan, eccentric, down to earth, sassy, quiet, shy, introverted, extroverted, silly, intelligent, dense. Really that's way more than two ways but I think you get the point I am trying to make. I'm a Libra and as such I show it once you get to know me. When I look at myself I think hippie, city walker, shy, romantic, friendly. I won't judge you for what you see or how you take me, I'm sure in that same instance I'm categorizing you into a subject or title you don't really belong. It seems like the human thing to do.

I am a Wiccan, by heart, soul, and mind. I don't practice as much as a I used to. I'm kind of in the closet about it. Most of my friends know but my family doesn't. I'm mostly a pacifist I hate confrontation but I love my friends and I would defend them until my dying breathe. I don't like to judge people and depending upon the first time you see me...depending on who I'm with... I'll either be extremely quiet or loud and obnoxious. I'm sort of an energy recycler so when I'm around someone I take in their personality for a bit and multiply it by a thousand. But when I'm alone if you get a peep out of me, rejoice you've made more progress than I've ever thought possible.

I'm sick, not in a mentally crazy kind of way. But in a physical health kind of way. I've got diabetes, hyper tension, high cholesterol and I'm surprised I haven't died yet. By some serious miracle or a lot of prayer I'm still pressing on. Someday's its as much of a curse as it is a blessing. I take everyday one at a time and I find myself never thinking much about the future. I hope that whatever I'm doing today will make a difference tomorrow if I'm still here and that's all I really can do. I'm depressed a lot about it i take quite a few meds, and shots more than a couple of times a day. This year I really wanted to get into good physical shape so I could cut back, heal my body maybe...fall in love.

But oh godess!! What kind of a mistake have I done?!! Early this year, or maybe late of the last one I made a prayer, a blessing, a spell if you may. And I wrapped my heart into a box and I threw it away. I wished to never fall in love again, to never feel for anyone the same way I feel for {him}. It was the worst and the best decision of my life. I pass by people in the hallways so cute and I wonder if they would ever like me. But I don't worry about pursuing or them coming for me. I don't try to get them to notice or like me. I'm kind of happy this way but I find myself stuck. I'm still so much in love with {him} and when he's not around I feel so empty. People talk about love and searching, wanting to meet the right one and all I say is. I hope I can see him someday soon because it's the only time I feel. I made the problem worse that's for sure but ughhh it's still so wonderful.

ANYWAYS, I came here to get away from my journal which is already fifty pages of this stupid/crazy/wonderful guy. BLEGHH!!
Blessed Be, Angie